WHERE HAS OUR GOODWILL GONE?

© 1990 by Stuart Norman

Written shortly after a March on Washington planning meeting. Not previously published. Has anything changed among us?


        The planning meeting for the March on Washington Leather/SM Fetish Contingent in Alexandria, VA, November 9, 1991, demonstrates where we really are. it was miraculous that any business was completed, but somehow we managed to complete our agenda. Nevertheless, there was treachery afoot, broken promises, special/secret agendas, personal vendettas, campaigns of misinformation and lobbying beforehand. For all the talk of unity and healing there was none. Good will was nowhere in evidence. All of us came away wounded, even those who had little to gain or lose from the outcome. I will not mention names because it will not serve any good purpose.
        The issues we squabbled over were those of gender and racial parity and regional representation - important in that the original intent was for equality, but out nit-picking belies anger over a deeper issue. That is of power and powerlessness. An oppressed minority colludes in its oppression and oppresses the sub-minorities within it. All of us suffer; we are fearful and angry: hurt. Some of us brought raw wounds to the meeting ready for them to be filled with caustic. We were defensive and trigger-happy. For the most part reason did not prevail.
        It saddens me to see this, especially in a community whose principles stand for inclusiveness, brother/sisterhood and trust. Those are terms of good will toward those we know and love or toward strangers or even those who espouse different policies. We should give the benefit of the doubt to what appear less than honorable motives.
        I am ashamed of us and share in that shame. Yet I wonder how many of us who were there can feel that shame, so locked in our personal angers and hurts. Perhaps I should have spoken out, but I felt that the situation was too far out of hand for that sentiment to prevail.
        What are we to do? We have asked for the good will of the larger society in our struggle for equal rights, and we support a pluralistic concept of rights to be different. But it is for our differences that we experience social discrimination. However, we have allowed our insecurities to amplify our petty differences. Then how can we expect to end the discrimination against us if we can’t heal it among ourselves? Can we learn to disagree without taking it as a persona affront?
        Our disagreements are of a piece within our community. But there are real enemies who profoundly disagree with us, with our very existence. Unless we bring ourselves under control and find healing we give them the ammunition to destroy us. We must go back to the roots of our movement - that we do this in and for love. Only in love can we be Proud, Strong and United.

Contents Of Bull, Papal and Otherwise Living on the Edge