I contend that all submission is voluntary, an act of will, even under coercion, to protect values - one’s life, loved ones, property and/or a cause. There must be an agreement to submit or otherwise there is fighting until one is overpowered or dead. Thus dominance cannot exist without submission. Under coercion one can submit and still resist to a degree or pretend to acquiesce to the dominator’s wants and wait for an attempt to escape or overpower. One must weigh the chances for overcoming or escaping their captor. If the dominator’s intent is to maim or end a potential captive’s life then the captive can only choose to fight or resist to the extent of hir capability. Nothing would be gained by acquiescing. Therefore submission is an attempt to preserve a value or gain an advantage. Thus it becomes sacrifice.

Coercion, however, is not necessary for dominance and submission to exist. There is another kind of submission that is not coerced, but mutual and entirely voluntary, wherein the intent of the dominator is of goodwill toward the submissive, usually with some limits set on the actions of the dominator. A mentor - student relationship can be of this kind, where the dominator has the best intentions for the student and knows from a position of superior knowledge what the student needs. The student, wishing to gain this knowledge, must do as the mentor demands, perhaps not always understanding why until much later in the educational process. Then there is the erotic adult fantasy of SM, usually ruled by the constraints of Safe, Sane, Consensual practice - a mutually voluntary association with limits that fulfills both the dominant’s and submissive’s needs. Within SM there is also a learning process.

There are many associations in our society that are a mix of the consensual and nonconsensual. Employer/employee relationships usually have some undesired dominance/submissive characteristics, especially for the employee/submissive. Nonconsensual dominance/submission exists within husband/wife and other family or social relationships. Much of this behavior is unconscious because we are trained to it from birth. Despite our democratic and human rights heritage we live in a culture of dominance, therefore a culture of abuse. Forcing others to act against their will because one is in a position to do so is too often judged as right and normal until it oversteps the bounds that we consider criminal.

The negative need or desire to dominate seems to derive from an insecurity, a need to feel superior in regard to another and use that self-perceived superiority to gain advantage over others. It can offer one a feeling of status. The bully is a low-order example. The need to submit can arise from a feeling of inferiority or guilt - a transgression that must be punished. But in a positive light dominance can be a engendered by a feeling of caring, nurturing, teaching and submission can be a need to be nurtured or to let go, to achieve an emotional release.

Social status is dominance/submission. We are taught to submit or defer to those we or our society deem superior or more powerful. This must seem to be a natural function and may be genetically ingrained within us. It was a survival measure that bound together the tribe and created divisions of labor. But our minds do not always follow the dictates of our genetic code. In our technologically complex society we may no longer need this inherent disposition, thus we are at war with ourselves.

Within the population how many feel they must dominate or submit? Most of us do both, submitting to some, dominating others lower down the power/status scale. We pass the abuse down to those who cannot defend themselves. This makes us feel better, but also guilty and angry, simultaneously, and that feeds the need for more dominance/submission. But our anger should be turned toward the culture that teaches us this dysfunctional behavior. We often cannot even conceive of allowing ourselves to vent the anger on those who taught it to us by abusive example, much less actually do it. Those people are either loved ones whom we do not wish to hurt, authorities on whom it would be dangerous and unproductive to confront or not available, therefore further frustration results. Nevertheless, we can do just that, whether in therapy or through SM in Safe, Sane and Consensual practices.